The Day I Didn’t Kill Anybody


If I had followed through on my initial feelings and not used my “pause button” between action and reaction I would be writing this from either a jail cell or padded cell right now.  I am one of those people that when shit hits the fan it really hits the fan and just spirals out of control until it can't get any worse.  That may be just a chain reaction because I don't take the time to stop and think just keep reacting and therefore making the situation worse.

It all started with my decision of being able to fill in while staff was away on holidays, looking back it was one of the worst but also best decisions I have ever made.  I knew I was going to have to ship the kids off to my parents due to both of us working and not having anything for the kids to do and leaving a 6 year old and 2 year old home alone just wasn't going to cut it.  This is what started it all, I knew I didn't have to be home since Frank wasn't going to be there anyway so I busted my butt working 10 hour days to get, in my eyes, ahead of the game.  That sure came back to bite me and hard.  I was the all nice owner who was going to cover for one of my employees, which really I don't mind because if they're happy I'm happy, I believe in the whole pay it forward thing.  But when I cut the trip short of spending time with my kids to come back to work – and not just work I came back in the middle of complete and utter chaos.  If you ask my staff what my reaction was walking into it I don't think she would repeat the exact words I used  and then it just spiralled from there.

Not only did I come back to being in the centre of being shit on and left with the work of about 5 people but I also had to go in the next day early to get caught up.  That wasn't the worst part. Everything started breaking after that starting with the air conditioning, fridge, ice machine, then the holding fridge.  Fantastic was my only reply (well there might of been a few choice words in there as well but I thought you might not want to read those).  At this point I either wanted to fire everyone, light the building on fire and call it a day, or kill someone – killing someone seemed like the most satisfaction because every time someone would say or do something the situation just kept getting worse.  Then my next question was what would I do with the body and if anyone found out I'd look horrid in orange.  So that blew that idea out the window but it just felt so right and fulfilling at the time.

So my coach Lora suggested another route of creating a vision of what I wanted the next day to feel like and look like, what does control look and feel like to me, and how can I create the vision of what I want to experience by changing my perception.  At first I was like but killing someone is so much easier and then the consequences started popping up and it wasn't really worth it but I would of felt sooo good!

Lesson learned:

Never set yourself up for disappointment by allowing others to take advantage of you by not holding up their end of the bargain, make the terms fair and known to everyone and not unspoken.

 Needless to say I won't be busting my butt to get ahead without everyone else doing the same thing.  I am choosing the route of putting fear into them by them knowing how disappointed and upset it makes me feel when they under perform and slack when I know they aren't giving their full 110%.  Don't get me wrong I'm not a slave driver but it is a job and when minimum wage is $10.25 you better be busting your butt to show me your worth it.

Well that is my rant for this week had to get that one off my chest and it feels so much better now.  Have you ever been in a similar situation?  I'd love to hear what you did!…well maybe not all the details I don't want to be an accomplice. 😉

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